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Life is one big journey. We can’t set a destination and have MapQuest or a GPS tell us how to get to the desired end point. No one tells you what turns to make, how many more miles to go, and how to get back on right road if you get lost. Our daily experiences affect us and in turn effect our destination and how we get there.
As a little girl I remember trying to map out my life… “I will go to Syracuse University and play basketball.. I will become a teacher by 2010… I will get married when I’m 22… I will have my first child by 25, and have three more soon after that… I will live in New York for the rest of my life…” Unfortunately, I did not have a GPS telling me “continue 5 miles and take a sharp right and you will be arriving at Syracuse University. Park for four years and you will be a teacher…Start driving and in 100 miles turn right onto a two way street. Park for 3 years. Continue driving…”-you get the point right?? I had to decide when to take turns. There were stop signs, yield signs, and caution signs. I obeyed some and ignored others. There were even times when I didn’t realize how fast I was going and ended up crashing. Needless to say, my planned destination was nowhere near as simple as it looked. There have been many bumps in the road, flat tires, and breakdowns.
This brings me to the good ol’ fork in the road. I found that I am thousands of miles down one side of the fork and my love is on the other. This happens sometimes in relationships. People reach a fork in the road without realizing it, and before you know it you’re in two different places. In no way am I saying that I’m on the right road and he is on the wrong..for all I know the roads may be what’s best for our own personal good. Maybe this is just a detour. But I question how I got here. Where were the warning signs? Will the roads ever meet back up? Should I turn around and try to find my way back and go down his road? Should I continue down my road to see what lies ahead? Can I handle the journey alone? My deepest wish is that the road will somewhere meet but there is no map to check and see if that ever happens. There is nothing telling me what’s ahead.
I have also realized that I have lost pieces of my vehicle on my life journey. I’m missing a few hubcaps, a mirror, have a ton of scrapes and dents, and my interior is all messed up. I have given up parts of my vehicle that I truly enjoyed. I no longer run on my own gasoline and I’m missing parts from my engine.
Regardless of where this road may lead, my vehicle needs to go in the shop for a little bit. I need to see a great mechanic, and that mechanic is ME! I will be fixing the broken parts and pieces, doing a few tune ups, replacing some of the missing parts, and best of all..I’m going to be my own gasoline!
The biggest advice that I can give from this is to never let someone else define you. They can be part of your definition or an addition to it (especially if it’s someone you love), but never let it consume you and become all that you are. You lose yourself in the process and you end up in an unrecognizable vehicle. Be able to run on your own..be your own gasoline!
On that note, I’m surprised that I have written twice in one day. I’m really enjoying this and have always loved to write. Here’s a cheers and a nice warm welcome back to a piece of my vehicle- Oh how I’ve missed you!
Peace, Love & Safe Travels,
Jessica
My vehicle is writing too. Ive always loved to write, its one thing I know Im good at. You have the gift too.
ReplyDeleteI like your metaphorical car and gasoline. You have learned one of life's many lessons , but one of its most valuable. It is so easy to lose yourself because of someone else, at no fault of your own or the other person, we are human its what happens, especially in love realationships. The hard part is what to do with your newly acquired knowledge. Figuring out that you dont need another person to define you, or make choices for you, you are your own person, and in the end all that matters.
I myself traveled down a similar path of life, it brought me to NC from FL alone, out of money, and with a 9 month old baby. I made a decision to leave to take my fork and go as far as it would take me from my past. Leaving the past behind is not alwasy the answer.
He could be feeling the same thing, that he has missing pieces of himself. It hurts like hell when you realize how many pieces are lost or damaged. Losing the pieces is easy you give them willingly under the foggy haze of tomorrows promises. Realizing what you have given up and accepting that your pieces will never fit the same is the lesson. You will find your road to travel and acquire new pieces to fill the wholes you've given away inside yourself, and one day you will notice that you don't feel empty anymore. You have to learn how to stand up on your own two feet in or out of a relationship, a love relationship should not define you but lift you up. To quote a song, "love will not betray, dismay, or in-slave you, it will set you free" Mumford and Sons, Sigh No More.
I love you, good luck with your fork!!
Michelle
Thanks so much for your insight Michelle! I can't even imagine how hard the miles you traveled must have been-You have one strong vehicle! I am however so glad that our roads have crossed and because of that I have such a wonderful person to share the road with!
ReplyDeleteI just listened to the song you quoted and I love it! I also love how there are red balloons in the music video you shared (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ye8QBCSeV60) just like in my car picture. How awesome and coincidental!
I will keep you updated on my journey and my vehicle :)
Love you lots,
Jessica
Keep writing, you're beautiful, gifted and I'm quite sure that God has plans for your life.
ReplyDeleteJust keep following the bread crumbs...He's got it all laid out, there are no dead ends on the map, just turns.
Be blessed my friend.